All charming people, I fancy, are spoiled. It is the secret of their attraction.
Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.
An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
Quotation is a serviceable substitute for wit .点击查看全部
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. I can resist anything but temptation.
It is very easy to endure the difficulties of one's enemies. It is the successes of one's friends that are hard to bear.
The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
One can always be kind to people one cares nothing about.
Anybody can sympathise with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathise with a friend's success.
I love acting. It is so much more real than life.点击查看全部
Thirty five is a very attractive age; London society is full of women who have of their own free choice remained thirty-five for years.
Don't give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can't wear in the evening.
Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.
If a woman can't make her mistakes charming, she is only a female."
One should never trust a woman who tells her real age. If she tells that, she'll tell anything.点击查看全部
What is the chief cause of divorce? Marriage.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
The happiness of a married man depends on the people he has not married.
A man’s face is his autobiography. A woman’s face is her work of fiction.
Life is one fool thing after another whereas love is two fool things after each other.点击查看全部
America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.
We Irish are too poetical to be poets; we are a nation of brilliant failures, but we are the greatest talkers since the Greeks.
Death and vulgarity are the only two facts in the nineteenth century that one cannot explain away.
Why was I born with such contemporaries?
The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius.
Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.
An excellent man; he has no enemies; and none of his friends like him.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself.
Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
When I was young, I used to think that money was the most important thing in life, now that I am old, I know it is.点击查看全部
Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
Hard work is simply the refuge of people who have nothing to do.
Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.
Only the shallow know themselves.
Bad artists always admire each other's work点击查看全部
一老外搭讪：“Where are you from?”
我听懂了，但是一下子不晓得怎样答复，于是说了句：made in china。
Charlie quarrels every year to his old father is wanting theChristmas tree, his old
father always said, has too expensively notwanted to buy.
This year Christmas day arrived, Charlie's old father really quarrelsby him the
headache, thereupon mentioned the axe to leave the gate.Crossed the quarter of an hour,
the old father carried on the shouldera big Christmas tree to come back. Charlie
happily loudly cries out,"the old father, you are really great, only then spend the
quarter ofan hour to chop a such big tree to come back!"点击查看全部
Once a simpleton’s wife told him to buy some ice.
Two hours later, he didn’t come back. She wanted to know why he didn’t come back
and went out to have a look. She saw he was standing in the sun at the gate and
watching the ice melting.
“What’s the matter?” She asked him. “Why don’t you bring it in?”
“I saw the ice was wet and I was afraid that you would scold me so I’m running it dry.” The simpleton answered.
A man who sold brooms went into a barber's shop to get shaved. The barber bought one of his brooms, and, when he had shaved him, asked for the price of it.
"Two pence," said the man.
"No, no, " said the barber, "I will give you a penny, and if you do not think that enough, you may take your broom again."
The man took it, and asked what he had to pay for his shave.
"A penny." said the barber.
"I will give you a half-penny, and if that is not enough, you may put my beard on again."
Has to be called Alexander the young boy to write a letter forSanta Claus:
"Dear Santa Claus, last year I received am a younger sister, but wasnot a vehicle race. Perhaps, another wanted to obtain the youngersister the boy actually to receive the vehicle race. We have kept thatyounger sister 焉 are, but now I still wanted a vehicle race."
The neighbor young boy sees Alexander to write like this, also hurriedto give has written a letter:
"Dear Santa Claus, last year you although helped me to make a vehiclerace, but this year I also need a big year-old new vehicle race. Asfor that new little younger sister, you or will remain to the nextyear give Alexander."点击查看全部
Sometimes,people put up walls not to keep people away,but to see who cares enough to tear those walls down. -
A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach. Well, sit down and eat your tea,
said his mother. Your stomach's hurting because it's empty. It'll be all right when
you've got something in it.
Shortly afterwards Dad come in from the office, complaining of a headache.
That's because it's empty, said his bright son. You'd be all right if you had
something in it.
How much English can you speak?
"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English."
The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"
The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl said, "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"
"Only one kiss per yard," replied the male clerk with a smirk. "That's fine,"
said the girl. "I'll take ten yards."
With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly
measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out.
The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her,
and smiled, "Grandpa will pay the bill."
Where Am I 我在哪儿
An Englishman lost his way while he was driving in the countryside. He saw a farmer working in the field nearby, so he went nearer in his car and asked the farmer, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" "Yes, " the farmer looked at him strangely and said, "you are in your car, sir."
A Vacation Cruise 假日巡航游
One stupid guy reads an ad about a vacation cruise that costs only $ 100.After he signs up and pays, the travel agent hits him with a bat, knocks him unconscious and throws him out the back door into the river. Soon another guy comes in, pays his fee and gets the same treatment. Fifteen minutes later, as the two are floating down the river together, the first man says, "I wonder if they're serving any food on this cruise."
"I don' t know, the second guy replied. "They didn't last year."
there's only ONE policeman
one day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked,
"What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied,
"look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思?”“唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀!”点击查看全部
roast pig 烤乳猪
A gentleman was invited for dinner. When he hurried there and sat down, he was happy to see a roast pig in front of his seat:"Not bad, I am next to the pig." But then he noticed the angry fat lady sitting next to him. He faked a smile and added:"Oh I am sorry, I meant the roasted one on the table."